It all started when I was 6 years old.I was playing outside the house near the fence when I met him at the first time.We had wonderful time playing together like the other kids eventhough at first, we were more enjoying beating each other up. It was so immature but yet, it make us become more and more closer each day. Starting from that moment, we would see each other at the fence everyday and spending our time together.
I felt so comfortable enough that I told him everything. Even all my secrets! And like always, he rather be quite and just listen to all my stories patiently. I felt more comfortable having someone who I can really talk to. We went to the same school, but not the same friends. So everyday, we always have something to talk about. About school, friends and everything. Even about my crush! Then one day, I told him that I am very sad because a guy that I like broke my heart. He immediately calm me down, and said that everything will be fine. He helped me a lot that I finally forget about the guy and was happy spending more time with him. He was being such a good friend to me until I realize that there's more about him that I like.
I thought about it for the whole night. I do feel something about him but I just don't know what it is. So I just let the feeling away as I told myself that we are just a good friend. We always been together, that we've been in the same school until we graduated. I kept in mind that he's only my friend but somehow my feeling towards him grow and grow each day. I know that I cannot hold it any longer. So I decided to tell him about my feeling on the night of our graduation day. On that day, our university held a dinner for the graduates. Both of us went to the dinner with our own date. The event was great, I met a lot of friend there but all I can say that, my eyes can't stop from staring at him. All I want that night, is just to be him alone. I want to make the night ends perfectly as plan. So after the dinner, I went to his house to tell him about my feeling. We were sitting outside watching the stars silently.Then we start to talk about our future plans.
Eventhough I cannot hold any longer the feeling I have for him, I still don't have courage to face him and tell him directly. I just can't imagine what will happen after I tell him. Is he going to accept me? What will be his reaction? And the worst is, what will I do if he rejects me? How can I face him after that? Can we still be friend like before? All this question make me become more scared. I tell myself that someday, I will have a chance to tell him how much I want to be with him, that all I want to do is to love and to take care of him until the end of our lifes. I wanted to tell him how I feel so complete whenever I am with him.
After a few months, he got a job offer at the city. I was happy for him for the offer but I am sad because he will leave me soon. The night he left, I hugged him tightly as if it was our last time together. I feel so sad as I cry on his shoulder but still, I couldn't tell him that I love him and to just stay with me forever.So there he goes, off to the city chasing for his dream while I decided to wait for him.
That night, after i reached my home, I cried my eyes out. I felt like a part of me have left with him. As the day passes by, I go through the days slowly without him, let myself busy so that I won't think of him that much. I can see him in each place we've been together, and everything seems to remind me of him. It was hard to face all the days without him. This time I know that my feelings towards him is real. I know that he's the right guy. But nevertheless, I never heard any news from him. I thought that he was busy building his career and so I wait for him to come back one day. Until...
One fine day, I received a letter. It was from him! My heart crush as I open the letter and to find out that it was actually a wedding invitation. I cannot describe my feeling at that time. To see the name of someone that I love so much on the card, marrying a girl who is not me! Eventhough it's hard, I know that now I can stop hoping for him. That we will stay as friends like before. I have to face the truth that we are never meant to be together. I should be happy for him. Atleast I know that someone will love and take care of him. But it's not me!
And so the day finally come. Eventhough it hurts so bad, I still went to his wedding. It's the happiest day of his life but it was not for me. How I wish I am the bride. I saw him with his bride, far away from my table. But the feeling is still the same. I still falling in love with him! I was trying so hard to gather myself together again while watching the love of my life marrying someone else. So I think, that's it! I can never have him again. After the ceremony finished, I leave the place in a hurry. I only realized that I was followed by him when he stops me, and he said that how much he appreciate that I came to the wedding and how happy is him just by seeing me.
After I reach my home, I decided to move on. I need to move on. I need to realize that there is no more hope for our relationship. He is not more than just a friend to me. We keep in touch by sending emails everyday. He did tell me how much he miss me, and our childhood memories. But he never mention about his marriage life to me.
One day, I stopped receive emails from him. He suddenly disappeared. I even wrote to him several times, but still no replies.
I get worried about him but i have no idea how to find him. Until one day, I get a note right in front of my door, it says;
"meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things".
I went out of the house quickly and I saw him standing by the fence. My heart was beating very fast. I feel like I'm the most happiest person in the world. I ran quickly to him and he hugged me so tight by his arm. I found out that he actually felt very sad and he was broken-hearted at that time. He told me about his divorce, how he felt so miserable about it. He even cried that night. We then continue talking, laughing, and enjoying our time together. I can see that I still have some hope for him, for our future together. I tried to cheer him up as much as I can. To be with him whenever he needed me.
went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation.
Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life.
I cried as it was given to me... As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to Kuala Lumpur and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.
If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all
No comments:
Post a Comment
Dare to comment?