Tuesday, January 29, 2013

10 WAYS TO CREATE A STRONG, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP



“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -~Sam Keen
Before I married my wonderful husband, I dated a lot of men. For most of my 20s (and even my early 30s) I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then.
It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie.
At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.
For some reason, I always thought my romantic relationships were less if I did not experience this kind of fairy-tale relationship. Maybe this is why I kept meeting frogs.
At times, I bought into the belief that if I had a relationship with the perfect prince, then all would be well in my life. I thought, Now, I will be safe forever.
In truth, I did marry a prince—but a prince who is also human, who has faults and issues just like every person, no matter how wonderful he is.
At some point I grew up and learned to let go of the crazy metaphor of romantic love in order to find true happiness. Yes, I was disappointed to realize that the knight riding through the night to save the damsel in distress is a fallacy. It’s a bummer.
But, let’s look at it in this light: We all saw Romeo and Juliet and Titanic. Why stories like these make our hearts sing is that the love is unrequited. Unavailability fuels the romantic expression.
This kind of romantic story can only work when there is an absence of the lover. Sometimes, they have to die in the end in order for their love to fit into this romantic view. Or, we eat handfuls of popcorn, waiting to see if they live happily ever after, and we rarely find out if they really do.
The romantic love fantasy is really a substitute for intimacy—real, connected, vulnerable intimacy.
So then, how do we make relationships work and stay happy?
We begin with the understanding of what pure love is, and then redefine and update the romantic fairytale into a healthier type of love.
Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship:

1. Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within.

Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “one,” you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.

2. See your partner for who he or she really is.

The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

3. Be willing to learn from each other.

The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.

4. Get comfortable being alone.

In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.

5. Look closely at why a fight may begin.

Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less.

6. Own who you are.

We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we finally get love, we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking for.
True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.

7. Embrace ordinariness.

After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

8. Expand your heart.

One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.
It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.

9. Focus on giving love.

Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

10. Let go of expectations.

You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.
Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.
These are only a few ways to explore real intimacy. How do you create a loving connection in your relationship?

Love Story #1



It all started when I was 6 years old.I was playing outside the house near the fence when I met him at the first time.We had wonderful time playing together like the other kids eventhough at first, we were more enjoying beating each other up. It was so immature but yet, it make us become more and more closer each day. Starting from that moment, we would see each other at the fence everyday and spending our time together.

I felt so comfortable enough that I told him everything. Even all my secrets! And like always, he rather be quite and just listen to all my stories patiently. I felt more comfortable having someone who I can really talk to. We went to the same school, but not the same friends. So everyday, we always have something to talk about. About school, friends and everything. Even about my crush! Then one day, I told him that I am very sad because a guy that I like broke my heart. He immediately calm me down, and said that everything will be fine. He helped me a lot that I finally forget about the guy and was happy spending more time with him. He was being such a good friend to me until I realize that there's more about him that I like.
 
I thought about it for the whole night. I do feel something about him but I just don't know what it is. So I just let the feeling away as I told myself that we are just a good friend. We always been together, that we've been in the same school until we graduated. I kept in mind that he's only my friend but somehow my feeling towards him grow and grow each day. I know that I cannot hold it any longer. So I decided to tell him about my feeling on the night of our graduation day. On that day, our university held a dinner for the graduates. Both of us went to the dinner with our own date. The event was great, I met a lot of friend there but all I can say that, my eyes can't stop from staring at him. All I want that night, is just to be him alone. I want to make the night ends perfectly as plan. So after the dinner, I went to his house to tell him about my feeling. We were sitting outside watching the stars silently.Then we start to talk about our future plans. 


That night, he looked into my eyes and told me a lot about his dreams. How he want to settle down, getting married, having kids and to be rich and successful person. I really admire him. The feeling I have towards him become much more stronger but at the end, I wasted the chance to tell him about my feeling.

Eventhough I cannot hold any longer the feeling I have for him, I still don't have courage to face him and tell him directly. I just can't imagine what will happen after I tell him. Is he going to accept me? What will be his reaction? And the worst is, what will I do if he rejects me? How can I face him after that? Can we still be friend like before? All this question make me become more scared. I tell myself that someday, I will have a chance to tell him how much I want to be with him, that all I want to do is to love and to take care of him until the end of our lifes. I wanted to tell him how I feel so complete whenever I am with him.
 After a few months, he got a job offer at the city. I was happy for him for the offer but I am sad because he will leave me soon. The night he left, I hugged him tightly as if it was our last time together. I feel so sad as I cry on his shoulder but still, I couldn't tell him that I love him and to just stay with me forever.So there he goes, off to the city chasing for his dream while I decided to wait for him.

That night, after i reached my home, I cried my eyes out. I felt like a part of me have left with him. As the day passes by, I go through the days slowly without him, let myself busy so that I won't think of him that much. I can see him in each place we've been together, and everything seems to remind me of him. It was hard to face all the days without him. This time I know that my feelings towards him is real. I know that he's the right guy. But nevertheless, I never heard any news from him. I thought that he was busy building his career and so I wait for him to come back one day. Until...

One fine day, I received a letter. It was from him! My heart crush as I open the letter and to find out that it was actually a wedding invitation. I cannot describe my feeling at that time. To see the name of someone that I love so much on the card, marrying a girl who is not me! Eventhough it's hard, I know that now I can stop hoping for him. That we will stay as friends like before. I have to face the truth that we are never meant to be together. I should be happy for him. Atleast I know that someone will love and take care of him. But it's not me!


And so the day finally come. Eventhough it hurts so bad, I still went to his wedding. It's the happiest day of his life but it was not for me. How I wish I am the bride. I saw him with his bride, far away from my table. But the feeling is still the same. I still falling in love with him! I was trying so hard to gather myself together again while watching the love of my life marrying someone else. So I think, that's it! I can never have him again. After the ceremony finished, I leave the place in a hurry. I only realized that I was followed by him when he stops me, and he said that how much he appreciate that I came to the wedding and how happy is him just by seeing me.
After I reach my home, I decided to move on. I need to move on. I need to realize that there is no more hope for our relationship. He is not more than just a friend to me. We keep in touch by sending emails everyday. He did tell me how much he miss me, and our childhood memories. But he never mention about his marriage life to me.
One day, I stopped receive emails from him. He suddenly disappeared. I even wrote to him several times, but still no replies.

I  get worried about him but i have no idea how to find him. Until one day, I get a note right in front of my door, it says;


"meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". 

I went out of the house quickly and I saw him standing by the fence. My heart was beating very fast. I feel like I'm the most happiest person in the world. I ran quickly to him and he hugged me so tight by his arm. I found out that he actually felt very sad and he was broken-hearted at that time. He told me about his divorce, how he felt so miserable about it. He even cried that night. We then continue talking, laughing, and enjoying our time together. I can see that I still have some hope for him, for our future together. I tried to cheer him up as much as I can. To be with him whenever he needed me.

went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. 


I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together. One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in Kuala Lumpur. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him? I gathered my things and went to Kuala Lumpur for the reading of his will.
Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life. 


I cried as it was given to me... As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to Kuala Lumpur and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all

35 ways to create lasting friendships




To create and enjoy lasting friendships takes effort 
and skill. Some people make friends easily, but for many of us making and keeping friends isn’t always easy. Here is a list of  35 ways of creating and cultivating lasting friendships


  • Know yourself. In order to make friends, we need to know who we are. You may want to check out this article and work out what is special about you. If you are not clear on what your life purpose is, these questions will help you..

  • Check whether you really want to have friends. If you’re secretly afraid of people, or don’t trust other, you will find it difficult to make friends.
  • Spend time around people. You can’t find friends in the cupboard.
  • Be kind. Look at what you can do for other to make their life easier.
  • Be steady and dependable. Be a friend one can count on.
  • .Be genuine. Don’t try and be someone you’re not. Friendship is built on honesty.
  • .Join groups and pursue activities that you enjoy. You are more likely to find friends who have common interests.
  • .When travelling, talk to everyone you meet. I’ve made wonderful friendships following it.,
  • Become a volunteer. You’ll find people who have a similar set of values which is a great basis for a friendship.
  • .Talk to people. You’ll spend a lot of time in groups without making friends if you don’t talk with people.


  • Make eye contact and smile when you communicate people..


  • Be positive. If you only talk negatively about yourself, others, or life in general, people will not enjoy your company..

  • Remember names. If you find that difficult, ask the person again until you’ve really got it.

  • Initiate a get-together. If you meet someone you like, ask them out for a coffee or arrange another meeting. An easy way to do that is to say something like: A good way to extend yourself is to say: “Well, I’ve got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address.”

  • Find common interests. Ask how he or she pursues their interest. Are they a member of a club or society? Express an interest in joining.

  • Tell your friend that you enjoy their company. Many friendships are lost because neither person finds the courage to express their interest.
  • Beware of sexual flings with friend. Many friedships don’t survive it
  • Be glad for your friends successes. Be the only person they can tell how well they’re doing.
  • Don’t compromise your values. Keep you standards of morality and behaviour and don’t change them just to fit in with friend or a group.
  • Don’t gossip. If a new friend hears you revealing personal stories of othere, he or she will be wary of your discretion.
  • Ask the other person open-ended questions about their life. Openended questions are ones that can’t be answered  by saying ‘yes’, or ‘no’.
  • Share more deeply with a friend. Let them know what your life feels like. This is key difference between a friend and an aquaintance.
  • Keep the sharing equal. Don’t hog the time with your problems.
  • Have even roles in the relationship. If you notice that you are always the listener and she the star
  • Switch roles regularly in your friendships. If there is one who always calls the shots, the friendship won’t last.
  • Listen to your friend. Listening is the number one glue of friendships.
  • Keep confidences. Nothing kills a budding friendship faster than spilled secrets.
  • Allow your friend to help you. Give and take has to be balanced in a friendship. 
  • Share the bad times. Help your friend when things go bad. Allow your friends to help you when times are difficult.
  • Keep contact. Check in regularly with your friend. A short text message, email or phone call keeps a friendship alive
  • Don’t crowd your friend. Make sure you don’t overwhelm – or even stalk – him or her.
Photo by Jaci Berkopecr
  • Share bonding activities. Have some adventures together and play together. To foster longlasting friendships, create common memories.
  • Keep talking through difficult times. Don’t let disagreements fester
  • If there is a rift, apologize for the hurt you caused. It’s more important to keep your friendship going than to be ‘right’.
  • If a friendship is damaging your life or your family relationships, you may need to let it go.
  • This can be a difficult decision. Weigh up how important this friendship is for you against the disturbance it brings into your life.
You’ll notice that I haven’t mentioned online friends. That’s because this is still an area that I’m exploring. I’ve made some lovely friends on the Internet in the last few months, but I don’t know how such friendships progress and deepen long-term. What experiences do you have of online friendships? Please let me know in the comments.

I am sure there are points I’ve missed. Maybe you can think of some?

HINDARI PERANG DINGIN KAMU & SI DIA


SAYA BENCI AWAK!!! BENCI!! KENAPA AWAK MESTI HADIR DALAM HIDUP SAYA? TIKA HATI MULA RASA SAYANG, AWAK HANCURKAN PERASAAN SAYA DENGAN MUDAHNYA. APA SEMUA INI? SAYA BUKAN BONEKA!! SAYA JUGA MACAM INSAN LAIN PUNYA HATI DAN PERASAAN. MUNGKIN SAYA TAK SEMPURNA SEPERTI INSAN LAIN. PERGILAH AWAK, TINGGALKAN SAYA SENDIRIAN.

Mengangis dan terus menagis, itu sahaja ubat yang mampu menyembuhkan kelukaan kamu tika ini. Apa maknanya sayang jika hati semakin membengkak? Kamu keliru dengan perasaan kam sendiri. Ada kalanya kamu akui bahawa persengketaan yang berlaku berpunca daripada diri kamu sendiri yang terlalu beremosi, Buntu? apa ayng perlu kamu lakukan? Adakah antara kamu masih ada rs sayang ataupun sebaliknya? Jom semak !!!

1. Fakta: Kamu terlalu menjengkelkan.

Alasan: Kadang2 Si dia bingung dgn kerenah kamu yang pelbagai. Bosan setiap kali berlakunya pergaduhan kamu da. si dia pasti mengakhiri peperangan itu dgn tidak bertegur sapa. Kamu cukup ego! Sebelum terlambat baik berubah, jangan sampai si dia meninggalkan kamu. Waktu itu menangis air mata darah punbelum tentu si dia akan memaafkan kamu. Malah berpaling juga si dia tak mahu.

2. Fakta: Emosi tak terkawal.
Alasan: kalian memang bermasalah. kalau ya pun janganlah melampau sangat. Ini tidak, bergaduh macam budak2. Cuba jadi matang sedikit. Bila emosi tu mula menguasai diri, mmg ia akan mencetuskan permasalahan. Antara kalian akan wujud rasa tidak selesa.Kamu dgn cara kamu dan dia dgn cara dia.. smp bila2 pun pernag dingin ini x kn berakhir.

3. Fakta: Berprasangka Buruk.
Alasan: Mmg susah kalau dapat kekasih seperti kamu. Ada sahaja benda yang nak di gaduhkan.Kamu seolah2 menganggap si dia berlaku curang 24 jam.selalu sangat berprasangka buruk.Walhal kamu tau dia tu mmg setia habis. Ada kala tuduhan kamu tu lgsg tidak berasas. Kamu jangan bermacam2, drp dia jujur dan setia terus bertukar rupa. Jadi berwaspada la ek..

4. Fakta: Cemburu Buta.
Alasan: Oh tidak! kenapa mesti dapat kekasih yang kuat cemburu? sakit jiwalah jawabnya. Saban hari sid dia pasti jemu utk menjelaskan setiap ke-tidak-puas-hati-an kamu..Setiap hari terpaksa menjawap soalan2 maut dari kamu..Selagi tak mendapat 
jawapan yang sahih kamu tidak akan berhenti.Jangan terlalu mendesak, Kamu kena ingat.. apabila kamu sudah commit to each other.. kamu kena semai rs percaya antara satu sama lain. Cemburu tu x salah.. tp berpada2 la.

5. Fakta: Tidak memahami.
Alasan: Ini masalah terbesar kamu. Kalau boleh ubahlah cara kamu,jangan terlalu inginkan orang lain memahami dirimu sebaliknya kamu lgsg tidak mahu belajar memahami diri nya. Cuba kamu fikir.. setiap kali berlakunya selisih faham, siapa yang paling banyak beralah ? siapa yang paling byk memujuk ? siapa yang paling banyak meredakan kemarahanmu ? sudah tentu si diakan ? sebolehnya si dia cuba menjaga hati kamu drp terluka. jadi tolong la belajar memahami dan jangan terlalu mengikut perasaan.

6. Fakta: Sukar terima pandangan.
Alasan: Kamu mmg sukar utk ditegur. Ada sahaja benda yang kamu nak bidaskan. Kadang kala si dia pun panas hati. Kamu lgsg tidak menghormatinya sebagai seorg lelaki. Apa sahaja pandangan dan teguran yang diberikan.. kamu cepat sangat melenting. Susah sgt ke nak terima atau buat2 terima pendapat si dia ? Kamu kena ingat setiap teguran and nasihat (walau x masuk akal) adalah lambang kasih sayang si dia terhadap kamu.

7. Fakta: Mengada-ngada.
Alasan: Perlukah semua itu? nak itu dan ini si dia yang buat kan. serba x kena dlm hidup kamu.. komplen.. walaupun x masuk akal.. semua kamu lambak kan pd si dia? Klu si dia tak mampu atau terlepas pandang.. kamu memberontak.. mcm si dia tu xder kerja len dr nk hadap masalah kamu sorang jer.. Si dia pun ader life len jugak.. klu da 24 jam nk hadap masalah kamu.. masalah dia nk letak kat mana? Namu sbb nk jg hati kamu tu.. member tu telan jer la.. Blajar2 la hargai and cuba la hargai si dia.

8. Fakta: Kuat merajuk.
Alasan: Merajuk! merajuk! Itu saje yang kau tau.. Tak dapat skit.. muncung leh tambat ngan tali kambing. Sesungguh pun sifat rajuk tu sifat semulajadi hawa.. x perlula korang nk  "mutant " kan perasaan tu lebey2..Kamu ingat sumer org leh handle ke perasaan kamu tu..? Sekali sekala x salah nk merajuk ringan2.. Tp klu da kronik sgt.. sumer jantan pun jalan.. 

Secara Ilmiahnya.. cuba kamu letakkan diri kamu tu di tempat si dia.. bayangkan stress kering yang si dia nak hadap dgn mentaliti kamu.. Cuba anda bayangkan ...

Adios 


Bro Janggut.

Soal Jawab Isu Semasa Part 2


Hari Nie Bro Janggut post lagi beberapa persoalan secara general dari beberapa sessi Ustaz Azhar Idrus.. Mari kiter berkongsi dan renung2 kan..

Soalan #1

Apakah hukum memakai baju melayu sutera thai (thai silk) sempena hari raya Aidilfitri ? Setahu saya, memakai sutera hukumnya adalah haram.

Jawapan

Kain sutera asli yang benangnya dihasilkan daripada ulat sutera adalah haram dipakai oleh lelaki. Manakala bagi sutera tiruan yang di buat daripada benang kapas yang bercampur dgn benang sutera.. 

Nisbah Benang sutera > Benang kapas- Haram bg lelaki.

Nisbah Benang Kapas > Benang sutera- Harus dipakai oleh lelaki.

Jika nisbah itu tidak diketahui.. maka ia jatuh pd hukum "uruf" iaitu hukum kebiasaan.

Soalan #2

Boleh kah saya menjawab salam pelajar yang belum baligh, walhal ibu bapanya bukan beragama islam?

Jawapan

Mengikut syarak, agama anak bukan islam yang belum baligh adalah mengikut agama ibu bapanya. Sekali pun di sisi Allah mereka dikira belum lagi sebagai orang bukan islam.

Oleh itu, Sebahagian sarjana islam mengatakan cara menjawap salamnya seperti menjawap salam orang bukan islam yang dewasa iaitu cuma " Alaikum " shj.

Soalan #3

Ustaz, baru2 nie saya ada terjumpa seutas rantai emas di Mydin. Bagaimanakah cara untuk saya memulangkan kembali rantai itu sedangkan saya tidak tahu siapa tuannya?

Jawapan

Sesiapa yang menemui barangan yang tercicir di jalanan, maka dia tidak wajib mengambil barang itu. Apabila diambil, maka wajib dia mengiklankan penemuan itu di kawasan tempat barang itu di temui.

Selepas usaha itu tidak berjaya dalam tempoh setahun, maka barang itu boleh dimiliki oleh orang yang menemuinya.

Penemu brg itu perlu merekod jenis barang dan nilainya sebelum menjual ataupun mendermakannya supaya mudah menggantikannya apabila pemilik asal ditemui.

Soalan #4

Apakah hukum menggantung gambar tokoh2 agama di dinding ? bagaimana pula hukum menggantung gambar perkahwinan ?

Pendapat sarjana islam yang muktabar, tidak harus menggantung gambar2 bernyawa di dinding rumah ( gambar perkahwinan dan sebagainya ).
Sebahagian sarjana islam mengatakan harus gambar2 yang mengingatkan manusia kepada akhirat seperti gambar sarjana2 islam yang tersohor dan org soleh dgn syarat bukan menjadikan sbg perhiasan. Pendapat ini adalah pendapat paling sedikit dikalangan sarjana islam.

Soalan #5

Saya membaca dalam akhbar, ada mufti menyatakan boleh memakai gelang dengan tujuan kesihatan. Setahu saya, perkara yang jelas haram tetap haram. Apakah Hukumnya ?

Jawapan

Berkemungkinan maksud mufti itu memakai gelang bertujuan perubatab yang disyaratkan tidak ada niat berhias dan bentuknya tidak menyamai gelang perhiasan.

Sekiranya gelang yang kebiasaan dipakai oleh orang ramai, Hukumnya adalah haram kerana bentuknya adalah jelas sebagai perhiasan.

Soalan #6

Adakah lafaz insya-Allah itu dikira satu janji ?

Jawapan

Lafaz Insya-Allah tidak dikira sebagai berjanji kerana ia hanya perkataan yang bertujuan mengingatkan bahawa kita hanya mampu merancang tetapi Allah ayng menentukan.

Janji perlu dilafazkan dgn jelas seperti:

" Bila kamu mahu membayar hutang saya? "
Kemudian menjawab " saya bayar ESOK, Insya-Allah "

Soalan #7

Saya bekerja di dlm sektor perhotelan selama 10 tahun. Di tempat saya bekerja ada bahagian yang menghidangkan minuman keras dan kebanyakannya dikendali oleh org melayu. Menurut pandangan ustaz, adakah saya termasuk dalam golongan orang yang subahat ? adakah pendapatan bulanan saya 100% rezeki yang halal ? Jualan minuman keras it termasuk dengan pandapatan hotel yang lain.

Jawapan

Sesiapa yang terlibat secara langsung dengan minuman keras ini seperti membeli, menghidangkan, mengangkat ataupun seumpamanya, maka dia dilaknat oleh Allah. Dia dikira bersubahat dengan orang yang meminum arak itu. 

Pekerja yang tidak terlibat scara langsung tidak termasuk yang kena laknat. Manakala pendapatan yang diperolehinya tidak berkat.

Soalan #8

Adakah boleh hijab ( penutup tabir) antara bahagian perempuan dibuka semasa majlis ilmu diadakan ? Apakah Hukumnya ?

Jawapan

Menurut pendapat sarjana islam, Sekiranya pendengar yang terdiri daripada perempuan itu ramai, maka harus belajar dengan guru lelaki tanpa ada tabir. Sekiranya seorang, maka tidak harus kerana ia boleh mendatangkan fitnah..

Begitu lah serba sedikit yang bro cuba kongsikan.. Marilah kita renung2 kan. Aminnnn...

Chow,

Bro. Janggut.








Monday, January 14, 2013

Problem or Solution? You choose..

Assalammualaikum..

Here are two different stories with the same lesson learn:

Story 1:



When NASA began launching astronauts into space, they found out that the pens they tool would not work in zero gravity because ink wouldn’t flow down to the writing surface. It took them one decade and $12 million to solve this problem. They developed a pen that worked in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
What did the Russians do?
They used a pencil.
Story 2:

One of Japan ‘s biggest cosmetics companies received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty.  Immediately management isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department.  They found that one soap box had gone through the assembly line completely empty. Management looked to its engineers to solve the problem from happening again. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch to make sure all the soap boxes that passed through the line were full. They worked hard and they worked fast but they spent an extensive amount of time and money to find a solution.
But when an employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution.  He bought a strong industrial fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Nampak tak persamaan yang cuba disampaikan disini? We need to focus on the solution..be part of the solution not the problem!!
Kebenarannya, kita sebenarnya sangat dipengaruhi oleh apa yang kita percaya dan apa yang kita focuskan dalam kehidupan kita. Which means, jika kita terlalu focuskan kepada masalah kita, kita tend to attract more problem dalam diri kita. Perasan tak kenapa orang yang kita nampak macam takde masalah tu happy je muka dia..kadang2 kita pon jadi pelik..tertanya..'dia ni da la tak pernah ada masalah aku tengok, muka pon nak happyyy jek'..the truth is, if you think positive, all the positive way and solution will always be with you.
Negative thinking is extremely not a good way in solving a problem. It one of the way to make you even more stress by making you not loving in a present time or world. It creates boundaries between you and the real world by living in your own negative imaginary world. Negative thinking akan membuatkan anda focus kepada masalah anda dengan lebih mendalam..membuatkan anda tertanya..kenapa semua ni terjadi kepada aku?..kenapa aku??
Kita sepatutnya bersyukur dengan masalah kita (I will elaborate more on this on other entry on why we should be grateful for our problem).. Dengan berfikiran positif, anda akan focus kepada cara untuk menyelesaikan masalah tersebut..
Tapi bagaimana mahu berfikiran positif??
1. Mengaku yang anda ada masalah tersebut. Daripada kita bertanya, "Aku tak percaya semua ni berlaku kat aku"..kita sepatutnya, "Ok, this is really happening to me..like seriously happening!!" Just as simple as a drug addict want to stop..He/she need to admit first that she have the problem and need a solution. Hadapi masalah tersebut dengan tenang. We should realize that everybody has problem kan? 
2. Pusing pemikiran anda which is actually in english yang sedap sikit, turn your way of thinking. Jangan menafikan masalah anda..Instead of using, "I don't want all this"..start talking to yourself, "Ini masalah yang aku hadapi sekarang, so let's find a solution for by hook or by crook!!" (ayat bagi semangat sikit) and then.. "so sekarang apa plan aku or step aku untuk menyelesaikan masalah aku ni?"
3. Start looking for guidance or knowledge or skills. Or also a mentor pon boleh jugak. Me myself have a problem in dealing with my negative thinking. So first, I admit that I have this problem and I need a solution for it! Later, I found out that by looking for tips in the internet helps me become better in managing my own feelings and the way I'm thinking. I start to search a lot of stories, blogs etc. But at the end of the day, I believe that I have Allah.. Only Him can help me. So saya berserah kepadaNya sepenuhnya dan selalunya, Alhamdulillah, when I need Him, He always there for me. Tak pernah berputus asa memberi petunjuk. It's all up to you. Some of the people they tend to refer to their parents, bestfriends, boy/girlfriends..but at the end, it's the same..you're not living your life alone.
So that's it!! Start think positive now!! Live your life to the happiness!!
Till then,
-Puan Sawang-

Friday, January 11, 2013

Lelaki tahu ke?



Just few things that men should know about women..Not like each of it mesti ada dalam setiap kaum perempuan..but most of it is true

1. Bila sorang wanita mengatakan dia sedang bersedih,tetapi dia tidak menitiskan airmata,itu bermakna dia sedang menangis di dalam hatinya.
- Actually pompuan lebih suka meluahkan apa yang dia rasa..menceritakan apa masalah dia..in that way she will be happy enough trust me..all men need to do just LISTEN..and she will appreciate you more..you can see it..

2. Bila dia tidak menghiraukan kamu selepas kamu menyakiti hatinya, lebih baik kamu beri dia masa untuk menenangkan hatinya semula sebelum kamu menegur dengan ucapan maaf.
 - Bagi die bertenang..but not tooo long!! Women will start to think too much and most of it direct to the negative way..so let her calm down..but not that long ok

3. Wanita sukar nak cari benda yang dia benci tentang orang yang paling dia sayang 
- So if you break up with a girl, give her space to totally forget you sebab dia akan keep thinking of your good quality as long as you are around them. 

4. Jangan sesekali beritahu perempuan yang mereka ni lansung tak berguna.
- Memang pantang!! And she will keep that in mind forever!!

5. Jika kamu menyukai sorang wanita,cubalah mulakan dengan persahabatan.Kemudian biarkan dia mengenalimu dengan lebih mendalam.
- Kaum hawa lebih tertarik dengan lelaki yang pandai mengambil hatinya..menjadi sahabat baiknya..and that you will always be by her side when she need you..macam tu lah!

6. Jangan sesekali mengagak apa yang dirasakannya.Tanya dia sendiri!!
- Totally true!! You will never know and understand how women think!! So just ask..we love it by the way

7. Selepas sorang gadis jatuh cinta,dia akan sering tertanya-tanya kenapalah aku tak jumpa lelaki ini lebih awal.
- If she really ask this to herself, it means that she really happy with you :) 

8. Teman baiknya saja yang tahu apa yang sedang dia rasa dan lalui.
- A girl will always find her best girlfriend..can't deny it!!

9. Senjata wanita adalah airmata!!
- Hehe..true..true..tapi apabila seorang wanita mengalirkan airmata kerana sedih..dia sememangnya sedang bersedih dan sedang merasa yang "its the end of the world!!" So if you want to talk to a woman, let her calm down first..because when she calm and stop crying, that's mean she starts to open her mind a bit (if not, macammane dia stop kan) and will accept anything positive after that..

10. Wanita suka jika sesekali orang yang disayanginya mengadakan surprise buatnya (hadiah,bunga atau sekadar kad ucapan romantis). Mereka akan rasa terharu dan merasakan bahawa dirinya dicintai setulus hati. Dengan ini dia tak akan ragu-ragu terhadapmu.
- this is like the best thing ever..she will feel so special..and nothing that she want more than you at that moment

Now bertambah ilmu sikit tak psal kaum hawa??

Sekian,

-Puan Sawang-